| iLike |
[October 21, 2007 5:46pm] |
You said you liked me.
I liked you back
But you didn't give a shit.
For about a week, we talked, laughed.
But then you started to ignore me.
You still do.
I can't understand.
Please, don't hate me.
Enough people do that already.
Just tell me why.
I'll understand.
You gave me hope.
Please don't ruin all of that.
I couldn't bear it.
Not again.
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| Not Dead... |
[October 12, 2007 7:24pm] |
Just lazy. I have some amazing friends. Birthday soon.
Acting Conservatory sucked.
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| My Rebirth... |
[June 26, 2007 6:10pm] |
I'm not dead. I swear. I apologize to those who read my blog. I'm gonna make sure I remember to post from now on. Everything is going to mirror my xanga.
My Last 6 Months, Recap:
January: Still suicidal. School Trouble
February: V Day: The most depressing day ever.
March: Midterms. I almost failed.
April: Rain.
May: Horrible event, my friend was in awful trouble. However, Amazing event. Have a boyfriend now. <<33
June: Freedom. Finally.
July: Going away for a month.
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| 16 Wounds |
[January 20, 2007 10:29pm] |
((ZOMG! I'm alive))
Instructions:
1. List 1-16 things that you want to say to people, but never will.
2. Don't say who they are.
3. Never discuss it again
1. You hurt me. Worse than anybody will ever know. You can't even fathom the pain I went through after you did what you did. You don't understand the things you made me do, the ways you made me hurt myself. I blame you for every ounce of pain i've been through in the last few years. Nobody but you. Because it's your fault. How did you not think we'd find out about what you were doing? It's not like we didn't keep in contact. You are officially the most cruel asshole to ever walk the earth. I hope you feel the kind of pain you put me through.
2. You can't control us. Not anymore. You can't inflict the emotional wounds that you have inflicted in the past. I won't allow it. I don't want to see you put her through anymore pain. The abuse that you put us through is beyond comparison. Nobody deserves to be broken that way. Nobody.
3. Why do you hate me? What did I ever do to you? All I did was live my life, and make my own choices, and all of a sudden you hate me. I'm not saying that you can't hate me, I just don't understand why you hate me. So I made a choice that you didn't agree with, all of a sudden you hate me? I don't see how that works. Sure I probably said some things that you didn't like, but I was ranting. That's what rants are. So why do you hate me again? I want an explanation.
4. Okay, you need to stop being so...loudly opinionated. I appreciate you saying your opinion, but shouting it across a crowded room just because you don't agree with me is not something I appreciate. So, like, chill dude.
5. You = WAY TOO QUIET. You need to be louder. I can hardly hear you when we talk on the phone. It's not like somebody's gonna jump out and bite you if you speak up. So speak up, dear.
6. You are way too sexual. Most of the things you say disgust me. You need to learn that not everything has a sexual reason behind it. And you really need to stop with the gross references. Nobody appreciates it.
7. I admit it. At one time, I was in love with you. At one time, not a night went by that I didn't think about you. Maybe it was just that I didn't talk to you for a while, but I guess I fell out of love with you, though the spark is still there. That's why I'm happy when I talk to you, even only as your 'sister'. It makes me feel appreciated by someone.
8. Fuck you. You need to get over yourself. I'm sick of you always insisting on the same thing. You've had such a long time for that one thing, why must you have it now. Is it the end of the world if you don't? Because you act like it is.
9. I miss our long talks. It's not that I love you or anything (XD That would be weird), it's just, I miss having someone to talk to. I don't know what happened, if that incident changed your opinion of me, or what, but it confuses me. If you don't want me to speak to you at all at school, just tell me and i'll lay off, I won't even go near your hallway. You act like you dislike me half the time, and it's confusing. What happened to our friendship? Should I just avoid you for the next 2 years? Talk to me, because confusing me is not going to help.
10. How dare you act like nothing happened. HOW DARE YOU. You think I'm just going to start trusting you again after what you did? It's not that easy you know. Why do you think I would even socialize with you after how you treated me? Are you insane? That wouldn't surprise me.
11. You confuse me. I was simply asking you a question and you screamed in my face. Half the time, you act like i'm walking poison, unless you need homework or something. Do you not want to speak to me? Do you not want to be around me? Is that it?
12. Dude, you annoy the hell out of me. Leave me alone. Please.
13. I don't know what to say to you. I guess, it's just, you're too f*cking perfect. I hate you. Very much so. Why must I have the burden of knowing perfect people? And seeing those perfect people so happy with someone else. It disgusts me.
14. I really do appreciate what you did for me. Truly, I do. When what happened, happened, you stepped in and saved me from my emotional downward spiral. And I thank you for it.
15. Why do you act like such a bitch half the time? Dude, I barely even talk to you, and when I do, something mean always comes out of your mouth. Unless you're in front of an adult, because then you just act like everything's perfect.
16. Why do you act like such an asshole to me? Only me. What did I do to get you to treat me like shit? I don't remember doing or saying anything that might upset you. If I did, I don't remember it. So whatever the hell it is, i'm sorry. But I thought you respected me. Didn't you say that? I have proof you did. Where's that respect now? (by the way, i'm sorry about what happened that time on the bus, I didnt' realize what was going on. I feel really, really bad about it.)
Only one person probably knows who 15 out of the 16 people are. One of the sentences on this list cannot be identified, because nobody knows who this person is.
The end.
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|
| Aftermath... |
[December 27, 2006 4:24pm] |
So, I survived Christmas...if you call it ''surviving''. Me and my mother went to the movies and then had christmas dinner at the diner.
I wonder if anybody else knows what it feels like. To not be wanted by your family for Christmas? To have someone in your family so sadistic that they hurt you in order to hurt someone you love more. I highly doubt if my family cared less that we came to dinner on Christmas eve, they would've been much more concerned if their rich-boy son hadn't showed up.
Appearences.
That's all they're about in my family, appearances. They have to look good for everybody on the outside, but for the people like me, people on the inside, they have to conform to the appearence they're trying to keep. It's so intensely aggrivating, and I pity them more than anything.
Christmas.
Such a stupid fucking holiday. "Oh, let's spread Christmas joy and be together as a family!" Is that the true meaning of Christmas? If it is, how come people like me, and my family, don't have it. I miss those simple Christmases where we'd really be a family. Sit together and have fun, but lately, everything has changed to dramatically.
It disgusts me.
How they have to hide everything they do. But people are going to know. The word must go out. They can't control me anymore. They can't win, they mustn't win. Ever.
And They Won't.
Not If I Have Anything To Say About It.
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| Holidays... |
[December 27, 2006 4:24pm] |
sometimes wonder. What's it like to feel safe with someone. To just be in their arms and just have it feel right. Will I know that when I experience it? I know people who've experienced this feeling, however I'm too nervous to ask them how it feels. I'm afraid I'll offend them just by asking.
I've never actually felt safe with someone, I always, always am nervous around people, even people I trust completely. There's just something that makes me uncomfortable, like I don't belong. If anything, when I'm around some of my friends, I feel like a third wheel. Stupid, unbelonging, not worth anything to anyone. That's what goes through my head each day.
Am I really worth anything to anyone? I know i've asked this question before, but seriously, am I? None of my ''friends'' seem to care. It's probably just me and my own personal issues. I seriously need help, but I don't like adult therapists, there's something about them that makes me very uncomfortable. Like I can't trust them. I can't trust very many people, my trust has been broken too many times before.
People have asked me why I'm so afraid of being social and making friends. One time someone actually said to me "Do you really just not want friends?" The answer? I'm so terrified of being hurt again, like I have so many times before, because maybe this time is going to be the last time, if you catch my point.
Even if you don't notice it, I live in constant heartache. My thoughts lead me to a place where all I see in my mind are things that hurt me. I try to distract myself with thoughts of school and christmas, but somehow or another, my thoughts always go back to a certain image. Even K-chan doesn't know the image that haunts me so, the image that makes me desire love even more, that brings pain to my heart each day as I remember it. That one day, just seeing that, it stuck in my brain, and I can't get the thought of it to go away.
You may ask what all this has to do with the holidays. The answer to that question is that at the holidays, all I ever see is people who are happy, couples getting engaged, kids laughing with their friends, it just depresses me. I wish I could grasp that happiness, find a way to take it, and have some for myself, even if it's just a little bit. I just want to be happy, more than anything.
Why is happiness such a hard thing? Why can't I have it, but everyone else can?
Maybe I'm thinking too much.
Happy Holidays, everyone. I hope yours turn out better than mine.
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|
| Letter To Santa... |
[December 27, 2006 4:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 depressed |
] |
Dear Santa,
My name is Mimi. I am 14 years old. In the past, I have rather selfishly asked for material possessions for Christmas. I am sorry about that. I've been thinking for a while about what I want for Christmas this year.
You see, I just started at the high school of my dreams, HT. It's a performing arts school, perfect to train me for a career in theatre. The thing is, I almost didn't get into the school, even though I was highly qualified. And this isn't the first time I have been put under this type of discrimination.
I am a victim of Aspergers' Syndrome, a form of autism that affects my social interactions. Most people assume "Oh, that little affect is something a little therapy can fix." They don't understand just how painful it is for the person who has it.
For me, as well as many others, it's a death sentence. We know we can never have normal social lives, or be treated like regular people. It's not as bad as mental retardation, but it gets in the way of making friends. When I'm happy, I get crazy and hyper, or overwrought, and I can't make it stop. It drives people, potential friends, away.
I've tried so hard to hide it and be normal, yet people always seem to figure out that something's up, and if I'm open about it, they usually aren't very accepting. Now, don't get me wrong, I have some amazing friends who I love more than anything in the world, and I don't know what I'd do without them, but I wish I had more, or at least had the ability to be more friendly with people.
In my class (grade, actually.) I'm the outcast who nobody talks to, I usually sit alone at lunch, or if I'm sitting with the others, I'm shut out of the conversation. In grammar school, I needed a special aide following me around, and I was considered a 'freak' When I graduated from middle school, I was the only person in my eighth grade not invited to the after party (and I checked.)I was so depressed back then, I considered cutting, sometimes even suicide, a few times. I'm still depressed now, but not to that degree.
You have no idea what it's like to stand in a crowded room and have to be terrified to say anything for fear that you would be ridiculed. I sometimes believe that I don't deserve friends, and that I wasn't ever means to be born. It's so emotionally painful that I can't handle it, and I end up taking it out on people I love. I really try to be a good person, but am I really worth anything to anyone? I wonder that every day.
So Santa, I know it's a lot to ask, but for Christmas, could you make me normal, please? I'm sick of being hurt. I don't want to have autism anymore. It's too painful.
Sincerely,
Mimi
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| Rambling. |
[November 15, 2006 10:10pm] |
|
God, I'm so FUCKING sick of this. I'm so FUCKING SICK of everything. I hate it when people talk about love. I DESPISE LOVE, yet I desire it. Why do so many people think that merely wanting to be loved is a selfish desire? Whenever I see couples together I get deathly jealous, and, with a certain couple in particular, I want to scream. Sometimes I just want my life to just end. I want to scream in my best friend's face, tell her how much pain she causes me, but I can't. I don't want to make her look bad. Why doesn't anybody care about me or my emotions? Am I really that useless? That stupid? I feel like that half the time. And why do people assume that i'm being greedy when i'm not? I don't know. FUCK PUBERTY. FUCK EVERYTHING. I feel so much like a puppet. Like I'm working for everybody else, and I can't do anything for myself, I can't make my own decisions, I have to go along with everybody else. Is that all I'm good for? I really hate my life sometimes...it's so...systematic. Wake up, go to school, stay after school, go home, rehearsal, sleep. FUCK THE GOD DAMN SYSTEM. FUCK MY LIFE. I've come so FUCKING close to suicide it's not even funny. The other day I was SITTING IN the tub with the knife IN MY HAND. Yeah, screw my life. I'm not worth anything, i'm just existant.
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| The Pain. |
[November 12, 2006 2:10pm] |
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I hate the pain, yet I need it. Like a drug that hurts and heals. I have so many regrets, things that I wish I'd done differently, but I didn't, and we can't change the past. Why me? Why am I always the one in pain? Always the one who wants to die. I feel so useless and dumb, like an air conditioner in the winter, I'm not needed. Who says that if I died right now, anyone would care. People would go on with their everyday lives, only remembering me as the weird girl who hated her life. I would be shocked if anyone but my mom was sad. People don't see me as a complex person, they see me as someone who's just weird and that's the end of it. I'm treated like crap half the time because I am who I am. I can't change myself, If I could I would, I swear. Why can't I make any friends? I'm sick of the excuse that I have autism and that's why. I know that's not it. But why do I have to be the one born with autism, why me? Each time i'm forced to think about it, I want to slit my wrists. It's a miracle I even hold onto life, when I want to give it up so badly. I desire love more than anything. Why is that such a selfish desire? Why am I so unattractive to guys? I try so hard to be normal, what makes me intimidating? And why is it, no matter which of my very few friends i'm around, I always feel like I'm not needed, like a third wheel. And why can't anybody help me answer these questions? I just need answers, each day I don't get answers the pain increases, and it's not long before I...might take action to stop the pain. Should I love the pain because it made me who I am? I hate who I am. I want to be different from who I am, please, somebody, make me normal. Please.
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| You Never Even Knew |
[November 12, 2006 11:59am] |
Teh Poem.
Look at what you've done
Taken me apart
I wanted to be your friend
But you broke my heart
You left me alone
You caused me to cry
I bet that you wouldn't
Care if I died
I told you everything
I spilled out all my pain
But you took all the trust I gave you
And you drove me insane
What did I do
To make you hurt me
I thought that you knew
I thought you could see
I gave you the knife
You took it with glee
Raised it above your head
and then you stabbed me
You'll never known how much it hurt
When you didn't even call
Just to say "Happy Birthday"
It takes no time at all
I hope that you're happy
With what you've caused me to do
Oh I forgot, you can't be
You never even knew.
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| More Quiz Things |
[November 09, 2006 8:31pm] |
IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie
Opening Credits:
Love Heals- Rent
Waking Up:
Everything Louder Than Everything Else- Meatloaf
First Day At School:
Genocide Peroxide- Taboo (XD)
Falling In Love:
I'll Cover You (Reprise)- Rent
Fight Song:
Life Support- Rent (XD)
Breaking Up:
Objects In The Rearview Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are- Meatloaf
Prom:
Keep Me In Your Heart- Warren Zevon
Life's Ok:
I'd Do Anything For Love- Meatloaf
Mental Breakdown:
La Vie Boheme- Rent
Driving:
I See Through You- Taboo
Flashback:
You'll See- Rent
Getting Back Together:
Where Would You Be- Martina McBride
Birth of Child:
Karma Chameleon- Culture Club
Wedding:
Just Be Yourself- The New Kid
Final Battle:
Commando- The Ramones
Death Scene:
Bop Til You Drop- The Ramones
Funeral Song:
Out of The Frying Pan- Meatloaf
End Credits:
Money- Pink Floyd
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| Music Quiz |
[November 09, 2006 2:47pm] |
Choose a band/artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band:: Meatloaf
Are you male or female:: Lost Boys and Golden Girls
Describe yourself:: I'd Do Anything For Love
How do some people feel about you:: All Revved Up With No Place To Go
How do you feel about yourself:: Fallen Angel
Descrive your ex girlfriend/boyfriend:: Cheatin' in Your Dreams
Describe where you want to be::Heaven Can Wait
Describe what you want to be:: The Promised Land
Describe how you live:: Razor's Edge
Describe how you love:: One More Kiss
Share a few words of wisdom:: You Can Never Be Too Sure About The Girl
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| T.T |
[November 06, 2006 7:49pm] |
We put my dog down today...he was really old and sick...I miss him. I can't stop crying, at first, it didn't sink in, but slowly as I got back to reality, It got more and more painful. I need to go cry more.
Later.
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| English Essay |
[November 01, 2006 8:58pm] |
I can’t say Michelle isn’t a good person, no, that wouldn’t do her justice. She’s the easiest person to talk to that I’ve ever met. She likes me for who I am, and still liked me even after I told her about how abnormal I really was. She was one of the very first people to really accept me in high school, and that really made me happy. I’m very proud to say that she is my best friend.
The second day of school this year (her first day) a girl I didn’t know sat down across from me on the bus. She recognized me as Liz's freshman from the previous school year. We got to talking, and, all introductions aside, made a common connection; we both loved Japanese anime. We also found more things we had in common; we liked to cosplay, enjoyed Japanese culture, and were very, very weird. We exchanged phone numbers the next day, and became friends.
However, such acceptance has its consequences, a dark cloud that hovers over it, obscuring it from view. Michelle has a lot of things, she’s president of the school's anime club, which I admire her for, and she’s friendly with a lot of people, as opposed to me, who was never a “social butterfly”. Of course, these things are all okay by me, I can gain these things in the near future if I work hard enough, but there is one thing that I really am jealous of her for. It’s something that people may search for their entire lives, the emotional Holy Grail. She’s in love.
One day me and Michelle were talking about guys, at the time I was unaware that she had a boyfriend. I told her that I liked this “really hot sophomore who always wears a trench coat.” Her response “uhh…thanks…” After asking her what that meant, she explained that he was her boyfriend. His name was Greg. We chatted a little more about it, and, after other, careful research, I discovered the details of how they met, and their relationship.
Michelle met Greg on her second day in the NASA program, and became friendly. Last Halloween, he asked her out. They’ve been going strong for nearly a year now, and they really love each other. She’s always with him, whenever I see her she’s with him. I don’t know what sparked it, but I’ve been jealous of her since I found out they were going out.
I know guys will never like me, or even take more than a passing glance at me, I’m just too weird, or, as Michelle put it, “too much to handle”. What guy wants a girlfriend who goes to anime conventions in costumes, and wears wigs to school? What guy wants someone who is taller than them? What guy wants a girl with autism? I’ve looked for that guy for years…but he doesn’t exist, and he never will appear, my knight in shining armor, my heart, my strength, will never appear.
I’ve only ever had 2 boyfriends, and both had issues. The first one was named Dylan. I’d known him for a very long time, since we used to live right down the block from one another. We stayed together for about a month, and then I found out that he’d been hitting on other girls as well as calling me “psycho” behind my back. When I confronted him, he lied and told me it had never happened. I didn’t believe him, and we broke up. Then, the second one, A.J., came along. He was nice, a friend of a friend, and we got along well. However, he had problems within his family, and he had some issues of his own. You see, A.J.’s parents were somewhat abusive. I watched them beat him up on his birthday. He also believed that he was a demon sent by the devil to destroy humanity. That relationship lasted longer than the one with Dylan, but we ended up breaking up because of a fight about the existence of god. As you can tell, I don’t have much luck with guys.
Fictional characters, yes, we all know them, but what happens when you’re in love with one? What do you do then? How do you act? It’s hard, very, very hard. He doesn’t exist, but what if you have nowhere else to turn? What if it’s that, or nothing? Then, is it right? Is anything right? What if you don’t know what’s right and wrong, and the character is all that’s left? But, the character renews your strength, allows you to go on again. Is it right to love them then?
For me, the answer to these questions is yes, it’s okay, because we all need something to keep us going, something to tell our weak heart, and our broken soul that it’s okay to move on. I hate it when people make fun of it, what’s wrong with wanting something. We’re back to the first thing I said here, everything I’ve ever wanted is taboo. Everything, a large group of friends, a boyfriend who loves me, people to call me for once, everything you can ever thing of that I might have wanted, I’ve never had it.
How does it happen? Why is it that Michelle, who’s a lot like me, can have so many people who love her, so many friends, and I have none? It’s just not fair? Is it because I act so weird? That’s probably it, people, society, fears me because I’m weird. And it really, really, really hurts me. People assume that I can’t be fun or crazy or anything. They just thing I’m weird, and I can’t do certain things because it’d be out of character. But the reality is, nothing is out of character for me. I can be depressed, I can be happy, I can be ‘gangsta’, I can be rocker, and all I want is for people to realize that it hurts me when I’m discriminated against because of who I am. I will never, ever, discriminate against anyone. So why am I discriminated against? And how come Michelle isn’t?
What Michelle doesn’t realize, that she needs to think about, is that she can be incredibly cruel sometimes.. When I asked her to come to my birthday party once and I gave her at least two weeks’ notice. The day of the party, about an hour before we are supposed to go out, I received a text message from her. “I’m sorry I can’t go.” Was all it said. I was incredibly hurt, but I let it go. My mother, however, was very angry, and started saying horrible things about Michelle behind her back. I was so incredibly angry about it, and that anger was misdirected at Michelle, causing me to not talk to her for three days. However, I was hurt that she didn’t even call me to wish me a happy birthday. But, I did let it go, although my mother still has not.
I’m a very lonely person, I danced alone on my graduation night, I hardly ever talk to anyone, but most of all, I’m alone, often. You see, my mom is a lawyer, which is a job with long hours, so she gets home around 6 or 7, which means I have to stay alone a lot. When I’m alone, I usually attempt to have Michelle call me if she didn’t stay after school, or I just sit and write, or I cry, or I do multiple other things. I hate being alone though, it just reminds me how depressed I really am.
Grammar school was hell for me. For a full 8 years I never had any friends. I would eat lunch alone and then I would go home and cry. I was judged at my old school because of my weirdness, and nobody there even attempted to get to know me. For three years, I was left out of all the parties and games, and I hated it. Because of those experiences, I got used to being lonely and eventually, just spent all my time alone. I’m still alone most of the time now as well, and I hate it. Why can’t people understand that the only reason I stay alone, that I avoid them, is because I’m afraid if I get too close to them, they’ll hate me, just like in grammar school. That fear has manifested itself in the way that I act. I’m not going to avoid saying it; I’m in complete denial of my pain, and of my autism. I just want it all to go away. I want it to just stop.
Michelle knows that I’m jealous, I’ve told her on more than one occasion, though we never directly talk about it in person, although I’d like to, she doesn’t seem to be interested, so I don’t push her. I still would like to have that one-on-one conversation, just to see how it plays out. When I told her it got kind of awkward, she wrote this big long thing to me, and it was really inspirational. Some of the things she said were “You'll realize, especially in high school, you're going to meet different people that you're going to see for a good chunk of your life” and “You're my friend and I love you dearly. You know, you should come to me when you feel this way. Don't be afraid, I don't bite. Actually I prefer you tell me if I'm doing something that bothers you.” But the thing is, what she doesn’t know, is that I’m terrified that if I come to her, and I say the wrong thing, s he’ll hate me. I don’t want to lose another friend, and especially not her.
I don’t think I’ve ever been jealous of anybody the way I am of her. Then again, I haven’t had many friends who have changed me the way she has. She made me realize that friendship is harder than it sounds, and it requires a lot of cooperation. But there can’t be hate. If she starts hating me, I don’t know what I would do; I think probably I’d slowly die on the inside. And also, I couldn’t deal with myself if I tried something stupid, like hitting on Greg. I don’t know if that might happen, and if it does, I’d hate myself. I really, truly care about Michelle, she really is my best friend, and I hope she never stops being my friend, I don’t think I could handle it.
*Names have been changed to protect the innocent
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| Poem |
[October 31, 2006 6:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sad |
] |
Poem I wrote. Copyright 2006
V this: me beinig emo and ranting and writing.
Look at what you've done
Taken me apart
I wanted to be your friend
But you broke my heart
You left me alone
You caused me to cry
I bet that you wouldn't
Care if I died
I told you everything
I spilled out all my pain
But you took all the trust I gave you
And you drove me insane
What did I do
To make you hurt me
I thought that you knew
I thought you could see
I gave you the knife
You took it with glee
Raised it above your head
and then you stabbed me
You'll never known how much it hurt
When you didn't even call
Just to say "Happy Birthday"
It takes no time at all
I hope that you're happy
With what you've caused me to do
Oh I forgot, you can't be
You never even knew.
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[October 29, 2006 11:07am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
>>>THE ULTIMATE DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS SURVEY>>>
::FIRST, A LITTLE ABOUT YOURSELF::
Name: Mimi
Gender: Female
Age: 13
Birthday: October 29
Sign: Scorpio
Sexual orientation: Straight
Height: 5'7"
Weight: 150
Body Type: Average
Ethnic Background: alot...
Languages you speak: English
Religious persuasion: Catholic, but i'm not very religious
Relationship Status: Single
If single, are you looking? Or do you not care? What's the dealio?:
I'm looking for someone who really loves me.
::OPPOSITE SEX PHYSICAL PREFERENCES::
Hair color: Any
Hair Style: Long-ish (for those of u who go to school with me, sort of like erick's)
Eye Color: Any
Skin Tone: Any
Ethnic Background: Any
Height: Taller than me
Weight: Not fat (I'm not really shallow as much as being heavy is unhealthy)
Body Type: Average or skinnier
Fashion Style: Unique, goth, anything, NOT GHETTO (sorry ^^'')
Subculture (if you had to choose): Gothic
Do any of these preferences usually apply?:
Only the hair and height ones
::WHAT YOU LOOK FOR PHYSICALLY IN THE OPPOSITE SEX::
Favorite body part to touch?: Hand/Chest
Favorite body part to look at?: Eyes
Any physical characteristics you find most attractive?:
Hair, Eyes
Any physical characteristics you find unattractive?: Feet (yuck) and chest hair
Are there any accents you like? Dislike?: I hate accents, but I like a tiny little overtone of an accent without being too extreme, i also hate australian/british accents
Do you like it when they wear nail polish?:
Black only
Do you like it when they wear make up of any kind?:
Eyeliner...hawt
How do you like them to carry themselves?:
confidently, but not egotistical
Any mannerism you find attractive or unattractive?:
nail biting, spitting and grunting for no reason are unnatractive
::NON-PHYSICAL PREFERENCES::
Personality traits you find attractive:
Uniqueness, Lovingness, Kindness
Personality traits you find unattractive:
Rudeness, disrespect, hate
How important are morals to you?:
Very important
Do political views affect how you see them?:
Yes. I'm sorry, but i'm VERY liberal
Do you like it or dislike it when they curse frequently?:
It depends
Do they have to share your religious views to be compatible with you?:
no
[This -or- That]
Good girl/boy -or- Bad girl/boy?:
Bad boy who can be good
Rocker -or- Hip Hopper?:
Rocker
Dog person -or- Cat person?:
Both
Liberal -or- Conservative?:
Liberal
Disciplined -or- Free spirited?:
Free-spirited with some discipline
Safe -or- Dangerous?:
Safe
Completely laid back and calm -or- Hyper and flamboyant?:
Either at certain times
Virgin -or- Experienced?:
Virgin
Rational -or- Emotional?:
Emotional
Very shy -or- Very outgoing?:
Very outgoing
Introverted -or- Extroverted?:
Extroverted
A creature of habit -or- Unpredictable?:
Unpredictable
A hopless romantic -or- A horndog?:
hopeless romantic
Simple and boring -or- Complicated yet intriguing?:
Complicated yet intriguing
Innocent and naive -or- Wise and knowledgable?:
Wise and knowledgeable
Hot -or- Cute?:
Hot with a bit of cuteness
Ugly and totally compatible -or-
Gorgeous and completely obnoxious?:
ugly
Proper and polite -or- Rough around the edges?:
proper and polite
Intense and passionate -or- Sweet and reserved?:
I can't choose T.T
Outspoken and highly opinionated -or- Happy-go-lucky pacifist?:
Outspoken and higly opinionated
Smooth and sexy -or- Adorable and awkward?:
Smooth and Sexy
::YOUR VIEWS ON DATING/RELATIONSHIPS::
What is dating by your defintion?:
Being with someone you care about in a romantic way
What is a relationship by your defintion?:
Being with someone you love with complete trust in each other
Can you date more than one person at a time?:
No NEVER
Can you have a relationship with more than one person at a time?:
NEVER EVER EVER EVER
What constitutes cheating?:
Nothing
Is cheating ever justifiable?:
No
Would you get back with someone who cheated on you?:
No
Would you expect to be taken back if you cheated on someone?:
No
Kissing on the first date: Acceptable?:
Depends who it is
How about sex on the first date?:
NO
One night stands?:
NO
Sex outside of marriage in general: Acceptable or Not?:
Depends
Would you sleep with a gf/bf?:Sleep in the same bed, yes, any sexual contact whatsoever, no.
Would you sleep with just a friend?:
Sleep in the same bed, yes, anything sexual, no.
Would you kiss just a friend?:
Yeah
Would you do anything sexual at all with just a friend?:
NO
What are your sexual boundaries?:
Nothin sexual until there is complete trust
What do you consider a perfect first date?:
a romantic evening at a resturant with gentle kiss at the end
What could your crush/bf/gf do to make you jealous?:
flirt with another girl
Guys: Would you always call her first?: not a guy
Girls: Would you get upset if he rarely/never called?: yes
What could a gf/bf do to make you feel insecure about your relationship?: Say something bad about me
Would you let your bf/gf be as free as they wanted to be?: yes
What would you do if you became/got your gf pregnant?:
I....don't know...
Relationships are 50/50: True or False?:
True
Once a cheater always a cheater: True or False?: True
How do you know you like someone?:
I just...know
How do you know you LOVE someone?:
You know...you just know...
What is romantic love by your definition?:
A requited love where all the little things count and there's complete trust
Do you like people easily?: Yes.
Do you fall in love easily?: Yeah...
How do you know your feelings are no longer there?:
Like I said before...you know...
What's the hardest part about a break up?:
The loneliness...and the memories...
Do you stop liking/fall out of love easily?
Is there a difference between liking and crushing on someone?
How do you differenciate between liking and crushing?:
I don't know...
::CURRENTLY::: ?
Like someone?: Yes
Crushing on someone?: Yes
In love with someone?: no...
Dating around?: NO...
Looking for someone?: yes..
.
How relevant dating/relationships are to your life right now:: Very, guys avoid me so I really get lonely...
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